Once Again, We're on the Brink of Disaster, and We'll Come Through it Together

When the planes hit the Twin Towers in New York on Sept. 11, 2011, I was en route to, then at, Tampa International Airport for my flight back to Atlanta. With other family members I had just celebrated my Mom's 85th birthday in Lakeland, Fl -- about 36 miles from the major airport. Tampa International is just a few miles for the US Central Command Headquarters, and I knew that, as America was under attack. Yes, I was tense and worried; the airport lay under lockdown with every single plane standing still. It was bizarre.

What did I do? I called my Mom, of course, and was amazed at her response. "Oh, honey, don't worry; we'll get through this. After all, we've gotten through so much already" (Depression, World War II, Korean War, civil rights upheaval, and more).

And, as bad as it all seemed, we did get through it. I stayed at the airport for three days hoping for a flight out when it became clear that wasn't going to happen any time soon. So, I caught a cab from the airport to the Greyhound Station, to bus back to my home in Atlanta. Oh, the Muslim driver and I had an interesting conversation on the way; he told me he was scared silly to be a Muslim at that time, and I commiserated, knowing how it felt to be unjustly singled out.

Well, we're in dire straits again, facing the threat of democracy's demise from a President who seems increasingly anti-American. While my Mom's gone on to her heavenly reward, the reassuring voice today comes from Harvard-educated Prof. Heather Cox Richardson, who teaches political history at Boston University.

"History suggests the game is not yet lost", she said. "Three times before, in the 1850s, the 1890s, and the 1920s, oligarchs took over the American government and threatened to destroy democracy. In each case, they overreached, and regular folks took back their government." 

Now it's time for us all to take back our government and values, and to become real America again. Real America is diverse, patriotic, hard-working, courageous and persevering. We don't whimper and whine when there's work to be done, and Lord knows, work needs to be done now, in helping people to register for the vote and, in November, to getting them to the polls to vote America back again. Let's do this together, folks; it's the American way!

Quantum Education Comes from Three 'R's + Four 'C's

It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated." -- Alec Bourne

By most accounts, in education American youth lag behind others in the world. We can catch up if we're determined to do so, but it won't be easy or quick; it will take totally rethinking our approach to education. Aren't we doing OK, even though we lag behind with education? Not so much, if we consider the crouching tigers of China and others where they take excellence in education seriously.

Essentially in America, what it will take to begin cultivating educational excellence across socioeconomic strata include the painful pill of removing athletics programs from our school and applying the funds and attention to improving our teacher support and curricula; changing from a memorization-testing mindset to one of critical thinking; keeping our children in school closer to the 230 days of Chinese children rather than the 180 days of ours (ours are in school less than half the calendar year), thereby reducing or eliminating hours of homework and hiring teachers from the tops of their graduating classes.

Will our youngsters feel stressed at settling for a physical education class with an Olympic mindset rather than a football or basketball team? As Tom Friedman suggests, instead of the stress of buckling down to a culture of learning, "stress will be not understanding the thick Chinese accent of our kid's first boss. That will be stress."

In order to make the quantum leap to excellence, of course, we must continue teaching reading, writing and arithmetic, but that's no longer enough. We must commit to making the quantum leap of absorbing the traditional studies while adding a 21st-century curriculum and global attitude.

Just as our parents could not have conceived the huge progress in communication, information and technology we have experienced in the last three decades, we cannot imagine the changes our children will experience as they enter a world with entirely different challenges from the world in which we gained our education. We must view education from the standpoint of what they will encounter, rather than the status quo.

The first change we must make is huge. We must shift from our culture of playing at school and at home, to one of learning. In all our schools, we must teach critical thinking, communication skills and computer coding -- all in a setting of problem-solving teamwork.

We can, and must, close the socioeconomic education gap through free online education, such as the courses in Khan Academy, primarily though not exclusively, for students in K-12, and MOOCs (Massive Open Online Courses) for higher education and we must even provide, as Chinese educators do, tutoring to parents who need it in order to help their children learn.

CULTURE OF LEARNING
In our minds, school often lags behind athletics and extracurricular activities in both priority and funding. We do operate with the idea that colleges value extracurricular activities in their entrance criteria but the quality of extracurricular activities is important; for example, starring on the debate team, organizing a fundraiser and taking leadership in student government as well as serving on the newspaper and yearbook are of a much higher value than starring on the football team, or as a cheerleader.

Not fully understanding the link between education and its effect on their future success, our youth are often distracted with social media along with athletics -- tweeting constantly, both in class and out. Facebook, Instagram, games, TV and other social media outlets consume their attention; little, if any is education related. They go to sleep late each night, yet must get up early, supposedly ready to function at a high level.

When they do get to class, far too often they are unprepared; parents often have had little time or energy to supervise and work with them. Or, even worse, parents may tend to complete assignments for them -- particularly those for science fairs.

Chinese children, for example, far outshine ours educationally. Are Chinese children smarter than ours? Not at all, yet they excel where our children -- even the best of them -- lag behind others in the world.

One difference between our children and Chinese children is that Chinese familiesfunction in a culture of learning. They do play, of course, but learning is paramount. Parents and teachers interact closely and often; three times weekly is common, to ensure that students are progressing well; their teachers travel the globe in order to improve their skills. Granted, our social problems may be different but, through adaptation, we can follow their success.

CRITICAL THINKING
"The eight characteristics of critical thinking are asking questions, defining a problem, examining evidence, analyzing assumptions and biases, avoiding emotional reasoning, avoiding oversimplification, considering other interpretations, and tolerating ambiguity... also seen as an essential part of critical thinking," according to Dr. Karen I. Adsit, Director and Professor, Walker Teaching Resource Center, University of Tennessee at Chattanooga, TN.

Evaluating the barrage of various opinions and 'facts' we encounter via social media and other outlets, it is important to be able to analyze the information completely and accurately in order to make reasoned decisions on issues that will impact our lives.

COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Verbal and non-verbal communication skills are at the very core of success or failure in negotiating life's challenges. Excellent communication skills, leading to effective interpersonal relationships, include (but are not limited to) team leadership and team participation as well as conflict resolution and negotiation. These skills help us to present our ideas and projects effectively, and to 'sell' ourselves at job interviews, participate as team leaders and members, and so on; the application of effective communication skills is virtually endless.

Former coach to the U.S. Olympic Team, Dr. Denis Waitley says, "A team in harmony is synergy in motion, where the whole is greater than the sum of the individual talents. When all assignments are understood, when each takes 100 percent responsibility for the outcome, a quantum leap in performance takes place. Winners learn how to become interdependent without sacrificing individuality; how to stand out while fitting in."

Toastmasters International provides an excellent, non-threatening environment for adults who wish to sharpen their communication skills and thus, coach their children.

CODING
Thousands of technology jobs are going unfilled in America today because of a lack of qualified candidates. Prospective employers are looking overseas for them. And that's only today.

As we see computers gradually being phased out in favor of other devices, future developments promise unimaginable opportunities in hardware development. (Think robots, computerized shopping, bioengineering, drones, manufacturing and scientific research, for starters.) Savvy students will be poised to delve right into a myriad ofemployment opportunities, in which they can write their own tickets.

But what about today? "Learning to code is the new literacy,"
writes Denise Detamore, Founder/Director of Advantage Learning Cooperative Educational Center. "It accelerates child development, especially in math. There are over 19 mathematical concepts in SCRATCH (a computer coding program for kids developed by MIT). Imagine an 8-year-old learning about negative numbers, probability, equations, variables, etc.

"Learning to code stimulates creativity and builds confidence in boys and especially for girls, and it unlocks the best and most promising careers in America. According to the U.S. Labor Department there will be a shortage of over 1 million people to fill the jobs in computer science by 2020."

Yes, it is time to realize that the future is here; we can either choose to move with the times, anticipating the future and make the quantum leap to excellence or maintain the status quo and take the consequences. Which will we choose? It's our decision.

Note: 
Khan Academy provides a brief (free, as always) one-hour introduction to coding, in which students can create their own greeting cards.

An interesting read for students and adults is The iCandidate, despite several malapropisms.

Quantum Education Comes from Three 'R's + Four 'C's

It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated." - Alec Bourne

By most accounts, in education American youth lag behind others in the world. We can catch up if we're determined to do so, but it won't be easy or quick; it will take totally rethinking our approach to education. Aren't we doing OK, even though we lag behind with education? Not so much, if we consider the crouching tigers of China and others where they take excellence in education seriously.

Essentially in America, what it will take to begin cultivating educational excellence across socioeconomic strata include the painful pill of removing athletics programs from our school and applying the funds and attention to improving our teacher support and curricula; changing from a memorization-testing mindset to one of critical thinking; keeping our children in school closer to the 230 days of Chinese children rather than the 180 days of ours (ours are in school less than half the calendar year), thereby reducing or eliminating hours of homework; and hiring teachers from the tops of their graduating classes.

Will our youngsters feel stressed at settling for a physical education class with an Olympic mindset rather than a football or basketball team? As Tom Friedman suggests, instead of the stress of buckling down to a culture of learning, "stress will be not understanding the thick Chinese accent of our kid's first boss. That will be stress."

In order to make the quantum leap to excellence, of course, we must continue teaching reading, writing and arithmetic, but that's no longer enough. We must commit to making the quantum leap of absorbing the traditional studies while adding a 21st century curriculum and global attitude.

Just as our parents could not have conceived the huge progress in communication, information and technology we have experienced in the last three decades, we cannot imagine the changes our children will experience as they enter a world with entirely different challenges from the world in which we gained our education. We must view education from the standpoint of what they will encounter, rather than the status quo.

The first change we must make is huge. We must shift from our culture of playing at school and at home, to one of learning; and in all our schools, we must teach critical thinking, communication skills and computer coding - all in a setting of problem-solving teamwork.

We can, and must, close the socioeconomic education gap through free online education, such as the courses in Khan Academy, primarily though not exclusively, for students in K-12, and MOOCs (Massive Open Online Courses) for higher education; and we must even provide, as Chinese educators do, tutoring to parents who need it in order to help their children learn.

CULTURE OF LEARNING
In our minds, school often lags behind athletics and extracurricular activities in both priority and funding. We do operate with the idea that colleges value extracurricular activities in their entrance criteria but the quality of extracurricular activities is important; for example, starring on the debate team, organizing a fundraiser and taking leadership in student government as well as serving on the newspaper and yearbook are of a much higher value than starring on the football team, or as a cheerleader.

Not fully understanding the link between education and its effect on their future success, our youth are often distracted with social media along with athletics - tweeting constantly, both in class and out. Facebook, Instagram, games, TV and other social media outlets consume their attention; little, if any is education related. They go to sleep late each night, yet must get up early, supposedly ready to function at a high level.

When they do get to class, far too often they are unprepared; parents often have had little time or energy to supervise and work with them. Or, even worse, parents may tend to complete assignments for them - particularly those for science fairs.

Chinese children, for example, far outshine ours educationally. Are Chinese children smarter than ours? Not at all, yet they excel where our children - even the best of them - lag behind others in the world.

One difference between our children and Chinese children is that Chinese familiesfunction in a culture of learning. They do play, of course, but learning is paramount. Parents and teachers interact closely and often; three times weekly is common, to ensure that students are progressing well; their teachers travel the globe in order to improve their skills. Granted, our social problems may be different but, through adaptation, we can follow their success.

CRITICAL THINKING
"The eight characteristics of critical thinking are asking questions, defining a problem, examining evidence, analyzing assumptions and biases, avoiding emotional reasoning, avoiding oversimplification, considering other interpretations, and tolerating ambiguity...also seen as an essential part of critical thinking", according to Dr. Karen I. Adsit, Director and Professor, Walker Teaching Resource Center, University of Tennessee at Chattanooga, TN.

Evaluating the barrage of various opinions and 'facts' we encounter via social media and other outlets, it is important to be able to analyze the information completely and accurately in order to make reasoned decisions on issues that will impact our lives.

COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Verbal and non-verbal communication skills are at the very core of success or failure in negotiating life's challenges. Excellent communication skills, leading to effective interpersonal relationships, include (but are not limited to) team leadership and team participation as well as conflict resolution and negotiation. These skills help us to present our ideas and projects effectively, and to 'sell' ourselves at job interviews, participate as team leaders and members, and so on; the application of effective communication skills is virtually endless.

Former coach to the U.S. Olympic Team, Dr. Denis Waitley says, "A team in harmony is synergy in motion, where the whole is greater than the sum of the individual talents. When all assignments are understood, when each takes 100 percent responsibility for the outcome, a quantum leap in performance takes place. Winners learn how to become interdependent without sacrificing individuality; how to stand out while fitting in."

Toastmasters International provides an excellent, non-threatening environment for adults who wish to sharpen their communication skills and thus, coach their children.


CODING
Thousands of technology jobs are going unfilled in America today because of a lack of qualified candidates. Prospective employers are looking overseas for them. And that's only today.

As we see computers gradually being phased out in favor of other devices, future developments promise unimaginable opportunities in hardware development. (Think robots, computerized shopping, bioengineering, drones, manufacturing and scientific research, for starters.) Savvy students will be poised to delve right into a myriad of employment opportunities, in which they can write their own tickets.

But what about today? "Learning to code is the new literacy," writes Denise Detamore, Founder/Director of Advantage Learning Cooperative Educational Center. "It accelerates child development, especially in math. There are over 19 mathematical concepts in SCRATCH (a computer coding program for kids developed by MIT). Imagine an 8-year-old learning about negative numbers, probability, equations, variables, etc.

"Learning to code stimulates creativity and builds confidence in boys and especially for girls, and it unlocks the best and most promising careers in America. According to the U.S. Labor Department there will be a shortage of over 1 million people to fill the jobs in computer science by 2020."

Yes, it is time to realize that the future is here; we can either choose to move with the times, anticipating the future and make the quantum leap to excellence or maintain the status quo and take the consequences. Which will we choose? It's our decision.

Note: 
Khan Academy provides a brief (free, as always) one-hour introduction to coding, in which students can create their own greeting cards.

An interesting read for students and adults is The iCandidate, despite several malapropisms.

The 'Pony Express' in Ireland is Running Strong

Take away e-mail, expensive snail mail, Facebook and Twitter. Take away newspapers. So, how can someone in metro Atlanta send Christmas greetings to cherished friends and former neighbors living in the foothills of the Slieve Aughty Mountains in rural East Galway, Ireland?

No problem! In my case, I have two routes for it. I posted a message on the Facebook page of Galway BayFM radio station; I believe they will broadcast it at the right time, and the neighbors will hear. If this is still the case, customarily people tune in for the 10 a.m. broadcast to learn the latest news -- who died, who was born, engaged or married, has an anniversary or birthday, and who sends greetings from the four corners of the world.

My more personal method, though, has worked before and will work again. It's a modern form of the Pony Express. You see, my cousin Mike O'Shaughnessy lives in Salthill, a suburb of Galway City, and he knows my former neighbor John Fahy from Mike's former days as a Garde (police officer) in Galway City. John is a traffic warden, so it's natural that their paths would often cross in the course of mutual duty.

I e-mailed Mike and asked him, if he were to run into John, would he kindly send my fond memories and Christmas greetings to those I carry in my heart, and he said he would. Every work day John drives the 50 miles each way from Lissaphuca to Galway City, so it's pretty certain they'll meet.

The other time we used the Pony Express was in 2003 when I was planning a visit back 'home' with my former husband. I asked Mike, through John, to let them all know, and he did; I know, because on the day we arrived back, renting a little cottage in Kylebrack where, years before, I had rented a cottage from Padden Downey - and that's another story altogether - we dropped our luggage in the bedroom and took off walking down the road to Skelly's Market to stock up on groceries. (We hadn't rented a car because of our lack of confidence driving on the left, on winding country roads, and because I knew it wouldn't be a problem with all the wonderful neighbors. And that's another story, too.)

Margaret Skelly wasn't the least bit surprised to see me; she said everyone knew I was coming home. Forty-five minutes later, because of the then-driving rain, Margaret asked her son to drop us back at the cottage. And he did. The Pony Express had been successful.

And that's how we communicate, to this very day. The Pony Express thrives!

(From my upcoming book, A Year in Lissaphuca© - working title)

Mandela or Obstructionist Politicians; Choosing the Best Legacy

Mandela or Obstructionist Politicians; Choosing the Best Legacy 12/06/2013 0 Comments   Those of our political leaders and the people who fund them, who are obstructionists, pale in the shadow of Nelson Mandela. He was everything they are not, and their legacy will reflect the difference. Mandela lived by principle, and he also lived by steel-minded moral discipline to keep private his fury at the injustice of his 27-year incarceration. His driving force was to unify his explosively divided South Africa, and create a society based on the good of all; but in America the self-interest of our obstructionist politicians and their backers seem to drive them to keep America stagnantly divided. Our division is between the haves and have nots. The good of our country is not on their radar; they lack the will to unify America and move us forward. While they also lack much of the integrity that results from principle-driven lives, they have plenty of the steel-willed determination to unbendingly serve their own interests. They are as different from Nelson Mandela as black is from white. While Pres. Obama is striving to move America forward by exercising a number of Mandela's similar qualities, he seems to lack one key element that enabled Mandela to succeed  despite his opposition. In addition to his public commitment to forgiveness and reconciliation, Mandela could listen -- deeply and interactively -- and thereby find points of agreement to build on. And that brings us to you and me.  We have two clearly defined models on which to base our legacy. Which will we choose for our next generations? Who will our children see as the heroes and role models of our generation? What values and skills will we pass on to them? They'll certainly make the judgment on who they should emulate, and who made the best world for them.  Of course, if you see you're not going to measure up, it's not too late to change. If you are of the obstructionist/winning at all costs frame of mind, are you man enough and woman enough to acknowledge that that approach hasn't worked, and to start living by principles of integrity, including accountability, and to demand that politicians you elect do the same? Are you up to learning to listen interactively, and start looking for points of agreement in your opposition's side? To lead by consensus, as Mandela did? History will decide how well we've done. In the coming days, we'll see a number of world leaders flock to South Africa to pay tribute to the tall black man who brought his country socially into modern times by teaching his people to get along, despite his personal feelings. When America's political leaders and backers eventually pass on, who will flock to pay them tribute? That will be one measure of how tall they stood. And, when each of us passes on, what legacy will we leave to succeeding generations? It's in our hands to leave them the very best. Or not to.

It's Time to Put Our Society Into Rehab 11/19/2013 0 Comments   It's crowd time again in America. Our biggest shopping period is fast approaching; we're also in the middle of football season, and New Year celebrations are nearly around the corner. To say nothing of increased traffic as we drive from place to place. What should be a joyful time will be just the opposite for some people; with end-of-the-year layoffs, people might be losing their jobs or having their hours cut back; perhaps a foreclosure is looming, funds for satisfying children's desires may be limited, and bills will be coming in. So, as each of the celebratory events includes large crowds and heavy traffic, they converge with some frustrated, angry, alienated, desperate feeling individuals -- the perfect scenarios for shooters, seeing no other option than to use guns to vent their feelings as they end their lives. People may also increasingly resort to impulsive shootings in order to resolve differences. It's time go into Rehab, in order to get us back to a more peaceful society. Unfortunately, we have no rehabilitation center qualified and able to accommodate the hugely significant number of Americans who should enter; therefore, putting ourselves in 'rehab' will help us to return our culture to some of the supportive communal qualities we used to enjoy before technology, violence and extremism became such enormous influences on us; we need to reduce alienation and improve our communication skills in order to relearn how to resolve issues non-violently. Here in America, according to Ann Hornaday, film critic of the Washington Post, the number of violent films given the PG-13 rating has tripled. As children are inundated with movies, video games and other sources of violent behavior, parents and other mentors need to balance the emphasis on violence with conversations to put it in perspective. We need to teach them critical thinking and non-violent conflict resolution skills, says Hornaday on CNN's Reliable Sources (Nov. 17). We have created a culture of extremism, based on winning (in which case, someone must lose); we tend to see issues as black or white, right or wrong, good or bad -- without shades of gray. We attack rather than listen. Most issues, however, have components on which both sides can agree, and when we're open to searching for them, we can begin to convert the extreme beliefs to manageable ones for everyone. Also, when people are feeling desperate, we can help them to find solutions. Thus, all sides win. We can't depend on the Government to fix our cultural problems; no legislation can guarantee our safety from guns and other forms of violence, but you and I can go a long way toward alleviating some of the stress, as we realize that some forms of mental illness are probably situational, resulting from feelings of alienation and desperation. ALIENATION Extremism, coupled with our dependence on technology, has contributed to a society of individuals, who may begin to feel alienated -- alone, left out. When we are not socially available to them, we may be generating feelings of isolation in our family members and friends who, instead of turning to us to communicate life difficulties, may turn to social media, conferring with strangers. It's a perfect setup for trouble. Do you remember the hugely popular film, Avatar? The universal greeting for the creatures was, "I see you." How many of us actually see each other? Do we look into people's eyes to see what might be behind their "I'm fine" when you meet them? Do we actually listen to their viewpoints, opposite from ours perhaps, or do we just wait for their statements to end so that we can counter them, trying to win the disagreement? Feeling alienated has led to a number of shootings, according to psychologists. Desperation, loneliness and helplessness are all feelings that, at least some, shooters have experienced. Before people reach the level of wanting to end it all and take some others out with them, perhaps they need to know that we see them. Together, we can find solutions. When we turn off our technologic devices, we can turn our attention to the people around us. As we engage them, we begin to restore their feelings of acceptance, inclusion. Most of us can't solve the employment-related financial problems and insecurities some people will experience, but we can ease them somewhat by reducing the perception that money can buy inclusion, validation. When we reach out to our neighbors and friends, letting them know we have time for them, we show them we can see them, and hear them. We can also realize and convey that buying expensive gifts isn't necessary; rather, experiences we share are much more meaningful than giving material gifts because then we are giving the best we have - our time and attention. Food is a universal connector, around which revolve celebrations, milestone markings, sorrow, and just ordinary events - the cycles of life. We can reach out to our neighbors, connecting, with dinners and other social activities, as we do in my neighborhood. We recently enjoyed a luncheon to welcome two Syrian ladies who recently moved here to live with their brother (and began volunteer work in the community a month after arriving). Through our gathering and their charitable activities, we hope they have begun to feel a sense of place here. This month our neighbors will hold a pre-Thanksgiving dinner in which everyone will bring a dish reflective of our ethnic heritage. It will be good to remember the strengths, sacrifices and determination of those gone before, and those newly arrived, that have enabled so many of us to live as freely as we do. COMMUNICATION SKILLS Before we get to the stage of uncontrolled rage, and when we see others building up their anger, what can we do to relieve the pressure? Infuriating, unfair, and unjust things will happen to us and to people we love. Is it road rage that gets us? Or getting fired 'unjustly', a disagreement, betrayal or what? How do we deal with these things without going off the deep end? Improved communication skills can help to see us through such bad times. Of course, we have to use common sense, as well. For example, with comparatively small incidents such as someone on the road cutting in front of us, we can leave more distance between the car in front and ours. We reduce stress by not tailgating, and by treating other drivers as we would like to be treated. Anger management training, perhaps accompanied by meditation can be a good beginning. And we can develop a variety of verbal and non-verbal skills, such as active listening, to let others know we get them, whether we agree or not. We can develop conflict resolution and negotiation skills, and guide others in them. Including these latter skills in the toolkit for effective communication can, in many cases, be the formula for neutralizing potentially violent situations. Changing our society won't happen overnight, but it's well worth the effort, time and perseverance to shift to a culture in which we really include each other, and express ourselves nonviolently. This is what I mean by putting ourselves in Rehab. The gift we will give ourselves from the results of our efforts will be an increased feeling of safety as we move among crowds, and a more solid, cohesive society in which we can realize and acknowledge that all is not black-and-white, right-or-wrong, hopeless or not. We will see the common ground of all sides, and experience more of a feeling of community as we work together to resolve issues and move our society ahead to a more healthier, more acceptable level.

Taking Control During the Shutdown

10/02/2013

0 Comments

 

Watching our legislators losing it over the last few months -- even, apparently, drinking in public, has generated such feelings of helplessness in many of us! We feel as though we're living on shifting sands, or even sinking in quicksand, not knowing what to expect for our present or our future.

The world is watching our shutdown with disgust. They deride us for our illusion of being 'the greatest country in the world.' What in the world can we do now? Well, for starters, we can show ourselves and the rest of the world what we are really made of. What we are isn't necessarily tied to our politicians and their decisions; they don't define us.

We can't change the political or economic situation at the moment, but we can plan for next year's Congressional election, and who we want to bring in to lead us. We can also make sure that as many people as possible are informed of potential candidates and - so very important - help eligible voters to have needed identification and rides to the polls. That much is certainly in our hands, and we've got to step up for ourselves and each other - no more waiting for 'them' to do it, for someone to pass policies and programs to solve our problems. We've sunk as low, I hope, as we're willing to go so that now we're ready to take our country back and put it on the road to progress.

'Oh sure,' you might say, but, what can we do for ourselves right now? While most of us are not in a power-position politically, we certainly are powerful in the way we choose to face this problem. That could begin with a renewal of our personal and family values; bringing our families closer together and growing closer to our communities. To a degree, we have morphed into a country of physical individualists who rely on social media for our feelings of connectivity. This is a good time to re-evaluate that. Our neighbors are probably suffering and feeling uncertain, too, and we can all pull closer together for mutual support.

When we are closer we feel stronger; with the support and love we give and receive, we don't feel isolated, as we would if we stayed locked in the tech-individualism mentality and constant race from lessons to games to restaurants, etc. with our children. By renewing some of our forgotten values in a variety of ways, we can be grounding ourselves solidly in age-old practices.

And when we feel really discouraged, let's draw on the wisdom of those who've gone before, standing strong in adversity. As my late, oh-so-seasoned Mom (of seven) said when I was stuck in the Tampa Airport during the 9/11 attacks, "We'll get through it, honey. We've gone through so much else, and we'll get through this, too." Mom was right; she went through the Depression, two World Wars, the Korean War and 11 home transfers with some children still in diapers.

So, now it's time for us to pull up our socks and get on with it. Not all of the following solutions will work for everyone but, with an open mind, we can find enough small changes to alter our whole outlook and improve the quality of our family lives. For starters, we may decide to cut down or cut out the cycles of taking the children to lessons, practices and sporting events, and going technologically unplugged in favor of better family time.

Through improved family cohesiveness across the States, we can show the world that, maybe deep down, we're made of the basic values that did, at one time, make America the 'greatest nation in the world'. We did make mistakes in choosing some of our lawmakers, but we don't have to let those mistakes define us.

So, here are some tips; use your imagination to see how they will work for you and your family. Take the ones that appeal, leave the others, and think of your own ways to take control.

For food, we can begin growing winter veggies and herbs - whether we live on acreage, or in a small apartment; we can grow vertically, if necessary. I'm starting my winter garden now.

We can control our own individual circumstances to a good degree by learning to live below our means, so that we build a safety net of reserve funds; if we don't have the money now (for any non-essential), then let's save for it and get it when we can afford it. Often, we will decide we didn't really want that, anyway. I just reluctantly decided to delay re-doing my favorite room - the den/media room/office until I can pay cash for it.

We can also feel grounded by hanging out our clothes instead of drying them in the dryer. I save approximately $400 every year by doing that year 'round.

We can eat potluck with the neighbors, thereby simplifying our cooking and feeling more of a community spirit. No need to feel alone as we grapple with the problems and uncertainties we face. I love getting to know my neighbors better with our frequent, spontaneous eat-togethers.

We can learn to sew again; making our own clothes, curtains, etc. We may have to tackle simple projects at first, but it won't be long before we're confident in following a variety of patterns. And they don't have to be dorky clothes, either. Just take a look at Badgley Mischka's Fall 2013 lineup; one of my favorites, the majority of clothes are in straight lines, with simple fabrics. In a fabric store, we can choose those according to our taste and budget.

An at least once a week family night can involve cooking together, then go in for games, a sing-along and stories. We can create a feeling of continuity in our families by telling the children and each other about our family traditions and how our elders met adversity. Before we know it, we're laughing and crying together, and we identify in ourselves, traits and characteristics of our ancestors.

So, yes, our politicians have let us down but it's up to us to find the positive possibilities, and awaken the greatness within us by responding as our ancestors probably would have - strongly, cohesively, imaginatively and supportively. We can certainly show ourselves and the world that First-Rate America does begin at home.

Changing Our Attitude Changes Our Legacy

Until the Trayvon Martin episode, racial inequity in America pretty much simmered below the surface. People had their opinions and feelings about it but, as a nation we weren't really talking about it.

Now, we're talking about it all across the country. Last weekend, rallies and vigils took place in more than 100 locations. Politicians and other leaders -- even ordinary citizens -- are saying 'they' should institute policies and programs to even out the opportunities.

Well, with the Supreme Court's recent ruling on the Voting Rights Act, it's obvious that, while political solutions are essential, they aren't necessarily lasting, and they cannot changeattitudes driving the day-to-day personal encounters between races; the slights, the denial of jobs and advancement, and so on.

A growing number of black and white people are agreeing it's time to find a lasting solution, and it has to involve ordinary people. Pres. Obama and Sen. McCain have both called for conversations on every level from legislators to civic leaders, to neighbors and friends. CNN anchor Chris Cuomo called for a national examination of attitudes, and conversations in order to begin understanding each other.

Changing the racial inequity we may have been advancing requires huge changes in our core values, but how can we effect change when we can't even look each other in the eye?

Why Should We Change?
It is essential for privileged white people to answer the question, 'Why should I give up any of my power and privilege? I'm pretty comfortable, myself.' The same question, 'Why should I?' also applies to underprivileged blacks who, underneath the rage and frustration they express, may be simply reluctant to open themselves up to the possibilities of additional pain and disappointment.

Knowing that any of our young people, or any of us older folks for that matter, could be subject to a similar fate as Trayvon Martin, and with the unspoken, but certainly real, possibility of violent eruptions nationwide if progress is not made, it behooves each and every one of us to decide to take part in leading us to a better way.

But for every single American, the most compelling reason to begin trying to change, is probably for our children. Rather than leaving them this huge racial problem as generations before us have left, we can leave them the gift of a slowly improving society, moving toward equal opportunities for everyone.

Fifty percent of our global population now is under 25 years of age; they are watching us, and they don't like what they see; from every corner of the world, they said so on August 12 this year, at the UN International Youth Day. "Nothing can stop us from dreaming," said one young woman.

The Most Powerful Conversations
The question at this point is, what sort of conversations would be effective? All too often conversations across divides tend to wind up in shouting matches -- each side interested in making their own point -- with virtually no one listening to really understand the other's perspective.

When contemplating such huge shifts as core values and beliefs, the most powerfully effective conversations begin within ourselves, in our own minds. And they are the best conversations because they tend, eventually, to be totally honest.

In changing our thinking about other people (not only races; anyone we may see as different from us), we have to remove labels and adjectives so that we just see them as people, without the labels. Listen to your own inner voice; don't you hear judgements about everyone you may think about?

We each have to begin building respect and trust among us; only then will we have the courage to look each other in the eye, and begin to understand each other.

Internal dialogs are powerful but they're not enough. We must also develop skills in conflict resolution and negotiation, but it all starts with our own self-talk.

Change is scary and difficult; the payoff is that, as we begin finding the better way, we start leading our youth to finding it also, and they may change the entire social order of America. That will be our legacy. I'm ready to begin, and hope you are too.

 

Follow Molly Alexander Darden on Twitter: www.twitter.com/MollyDarden

Apple's Apology, Our Lesson

China is Apple's second largest and fastest growing market and American firms are eager to be part of it, but on Monday Apple apologized to Chinese consumers for consumer-unfriendly warranty practices.

Apple's ability to innovate is decreasing, forcing them to rely more on customer relations in China than on rolling out the 'newer and better.' If they are to survive and thrive there, they must solidify relationships, not only with consumers but with the government as well.

By either not fully understanding, or not giving enough importance to the Chinese relationship concept they call guanxii Apple lost ground, putting themselves in a position of reaction rather than proaction.

In today's increasingly global economy, it is no longer enough to sell perception of sincerity and integrity; we must live it through and through if we are going to build strong, lasting relationships, and grow our businesses. It may be necessary to re-examine our values and how we convey our belief in them, to those we teach and train, both personally and professionally.

Why? Because if we don't, we can get careless and slip as Apple apparently did. Perhaps they were arrogant, as the Chinese media claimed; at any rate, they did not take seriously enough their responsibility for standing behind their warranties.

As globalization increases, the need increases for producing, not only quality products and services, but an unprecedented level of quality individuals and policies to sell and maintain them.

In the case of Apple's apology, they broke three of the five requirements for successful business endeavors with China, that Barbara Wang mentions in her book, Chinese Management: 5 Critical Differences Apple lost face, neglected to maintain the relationship (guanxii), and broke harmony.

While these elements may seem strange or even silly to Americans for whom the highest value has been the bottom line, no matter what we have to do to increase it, it is important to remember that we are attempting to play now on the Chinese playing field where success is based more communally than individually.

While Gen X and Baby Boomers may have grown up with the 'winning is all that matters' philosophy, that won't work with succeeding generations. What and how we teach them, moving into a shifting world order, will determine their future.

In "How to Prepare Our Youth to Succeed in the Emerging Global Middle Class," I give an overview of ways we can inculcate the very real values of future success into our lives so that they will become what we do, and what we are, as well as what we say.

The success of future generations depends on it, and the time to start teaching them is now. And while we're doing that, we have to teach ourselves, working hard to change our paradigm from rewarding disparately the top levels of commerce at the expense of the middle; we have to become more inclusive -- not because we're forced to, but because inclusivity creates a 'win-win' result.

Rewarding the middle class improves loyalty and stability; equally including women provides balance, loyalty and a wider market; bringing in more diversity provides a wider range of perspective, loyalty and increased market share.

A more communal, integrity-based way of thinking isn't 'giving in to them,' it's just good common sense for the American way of life. And, in the end, we all do have to make it together. Globally.